The benefits of red wine are virtually limitless

The Onion wins again. And so does Laura.

Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think

According to a study published Monday in The American Journal Of Medicine, a previously unknown ingredient in red wine has been shown to cause a marked improvement of vocal clarity and emotional acuity—while reducing overall inhibition—after only four glasses.

"It seems the benefits of red wine consumption are virtually limitless," said Dr. Susan Zheng, lead researcher on the study. "Many were unable to recall a single time their mother had paid more attention to their sister's soccer games than to their starring role in the school play. But after drinking only one bottle of standard Merlot, these participants could not only remember, but could actually sing whole stretches of Annie Get Your Gun, even while sobbing. It's extraordinary."

The positive effects of wine consumption were seen in as little as three hours, with 86 percent of participants showing greater resistance to unsolicited career advice, 77 percent displaying increased mental function in the area of the brain devoted to reminding you why Dad left you in the first place, and 60 percent demonstrating less concern to "play this little happy-happy game anymore."

What could be more true?? Actually this has never happened to me, and I pray to the Baby Jesus that it never does. I suspect that once the buzz wears off, the initial relief of spilling your guts would be replaced by an overwhelming sense of regret and dread... and not just that you're going to hurl, although I'm sure the hangover would be severe.

This article actually prompts several interesting concepts, but I'll have to save that for later.